Growing up with six siblings and now having four children of my own, I’ve seen firsthand the challenges and benefits of family communication. Throw in a family death, health crisis, business or family trusts in the mix and the challenges can grow exponentially.
In my practical experience, family communication is frequently superficial or nonexistent, often resulting in family discord.
My family owned a farming, ranching, and real estate business in which some of my siblings were involved and others were not. We held an annual family meeting led by my dad to discuss every detail of the business. As a CPA, he would do a deeper dive into financials than many were interested in. However, everyone appreciated being included. There usually was a fun factor with these meetings like a farm tour or nice dinner. These family meetings set the stage for good communication and family bonding, benefits that became even more important when the meetings eventually turned into a forum for discussing health issues for both mom and dad.
Why is there such a reluctance to hold family meetings? I’d say fear is usually the culprit. There is fear of offending, fear of further damage to existing fragile relationships, fear of confidentiality, fear of demotivating children, and many other fears at play.
Let’s face it, communication is one thing most of us can’t get right even with extra effort. It’s a common issue with a spouse, family, friends, and co-workers. Poor communication is compounded by the modern-day use of text messages and e-mail, which can easily be misinterpreted. However, lack of communication is often a major factor in creating and perpetuating family problems.
Who should be involved?
It’s up to you. I’m a proponent of open book style management and would likely include adult children, spouses, and adult grandchildren if they exist. Be careful of communicating the wrong message to those not invited. However, every family is different, and some information can be sensitive.
An experienced facilitator can add value by keeping the meeting on track, acting as a buffer, and discovering and dealing with some issues prior to the meeting. In some cases, a professional therapist who specializes in family dynamics might be needed.
What should be discussed?
Again, it’s up to you. I recommend setting an agenda in advance – this helps keep the meeting on track and ensures you cover all the topics you want to discuss. Some topics I like to include are framing the family leaders’ expectations, mission, and goals.
I love it when families share interesting family history and stories. How was the wealth created and what were the personal attributes of those involved?
Understanding the strategy surrounding financial planning matters, such as estate and income tax, charitable giving, education funding, and succession planning can be valuable. I also like to make sure that “soft” issues, such as plans for next-generation education, are included.
Whatever is discussed, giving each invited person the opportunity to share ideas and opinions can enhance the meeting. Inevitably, some people are more vocal than others. But allowing those who are more reserved to speak openly helps dig into each issue and lets everyone express their feelings.
Where should it be held?
Use common sense here. A nice conference room or dining room table works. Parents may feel more present if free of distractions from little ones.
Family meetings don’t have to be boring, and I believe including an element of fun is necessary. This could include any type of social activity, from a nice dinner to a ball game to a family competition.
In-person meetings can promote better communication but having access to virtual technology—for those who cannot travel—helps to include everyone.
When should you hold the meeting?
This may look different for each family. Considering all that can change in a years’ time, annual meetings could be a positive when dealing with challenging communication. Many families use pre- or post-holiday gatherings to take advantage of capturing everyone in person.
Most importantly, choose a time and place where everyone can attend and be comfortable. I strive to keep the meetings to no more than two hours. One hour is preferred. This is attainable when significant work is accomplished ahead of the meeting.
Why should you consider it?
In my family, more than anything else, we strive for family harmony—even at a financial cost. Families include different personalities that may be sensitive or easily disturbed by the slightest of misunderstandings. Family meetings provide an environment where everyone can be informed, which helps everyone stay on the same page, avoid conflict, and create a plan.
I’m passionate about helping families achieve their financial goals. That’s why I’m such a big advocate for family meetings. I’ve seen firsthand how they can help families to communicate more effectively, make better financial decisions, and create a more secure future.
If you’re thinking about holding a family meeting, I encourage you to do so. It’s one of the best things you can do for your family’s financial future. You might be surprised how fun and rewarding it can be.
And, of course, if you want to talk more about this, contact our team at Moneta – DSP Team. We look forward to discussing your concerns as parents, grandparents, and stewards of your family’s legacy.
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